March 13th 2008
Patience.
As I worked in a position, until recently, that put me into contact with a high volume of people, I’ve noticed a thing or two about patience. Most people have it and are gracious, but one person who is impatient and negative seems to make up for every twenty people with patience.
What is patience, when should we have it, and when should we not have it anymore? A discussion of this kind can only be 100% conclusive when applied to a specific situation, and even then not always, but generally, I think guidelines can be laid to help people keep themselves in check.
The first thing we should do to work on patience is to identify the things that make us impatient. For some people, it’s standing in line at a grocery store and watching an elderly woman count out 99 cents (or more) in change, penny by penny. For others, it’s being nagged by a parent, significant other, etc., when they already have things on their mind. I think identifying the things that make us lose it is almost half of the battle.
We are largely controlled by our subconscious. The reason people get into the same arguments over and over is because our bodies make us into creatures of habit. Perhaps your girlfriend makes a huffing sound when she’s angry. You hear that, and your muscles automatically tense, because you know that sound and you know she always does it when you argue. It seems silly to evaluate it rationally now, but that’s what the subconscious does. If you can pinpoint that moment, that thing that gets you annoyed, then it becomes easier to avoid it or fend it off. If you say “Not this argument again,” then you’re one step closer to having a discussion about the situation and perhaps end it, rather than the same old argument.
Another way to avoid a situation where impatience flourishes is to manage your time properly. Nerves tend to set people on edge and make them react intensely and unhappily. People in a grocery line who are stuck waiting often say they have to be someplace in a short time, and thus are angry that they have to wait. Life will never be perfect, and although no one can time their day perfectly either, it seems that so many people expect the world to unfold for them, and get angry at those who can’t control certain aspects of what “went wrong.”
One way to know when to gather up your patience is when you start to feel that anger and look at the person it’s directed at. Ask yourself if that person deserves your wrath or unkind words, if it’s really their fault, and if it is, if it’s constructive or moral to take out your frustrations on them. Think about how the other person’s day is going, what kind of a situation they’re in. I think once you ponder all these things, most of the time you’ll find it’s not worth it to get angry - and maybe the thought process will calm you down as well.
Also good for anger and nerves are breathing exercises. Kind of like that “count to ten” saying, breathing is a great way to relax a person at any time. Sometimes when I feel tense and stressed before I go to sleep and it’s keeping me awake, I do a short breathing exercise to take the tension out of my body and clear my mind. Breathing in through the mouth, take a deep breath in for ten seconds, focusing on collecting breath downward toward the navel. Hold it for a moment, then breathe out for twenty seconds, slowly. Do this as many more times as you want. If ten seconds in and twenty out is too long, just double the exhale from however many seconds of inhale you take.
If everyone took steps to increase their patience, were friendly and understanding in tense situations (without letting themselves be stepped all over, that is), I think the world would be a better place. Even if it wouldn’t solve global warming, poverty, or huge social problems we have now that people may find more important than common courtesy, our day to day lives often include a lot of time out in public with others, and much of the time, our days might very well be more enjoyable if people, and ourselves, were more patient.
- candela.
