WorldSave

WorldSave has been more or less off-line the past 12 days.  You have my apologies.  It appears that my second laziness trial hijacked me away from the computer entirely and I actually have not turned mine on for the past 3 days, let alone been on it much at all the past 11.  I kept my rules, for the most part.  I went outside every single sunny day, for a good amount of time too.  Because of this, the past few cloudy days have really slowed me down because I feel such a drastic difference without the sun.  I have also reconnected with old friends, and I made two new ones, although I wouldn’t really count them because they are two online acquaintances.  I have mostly kept the house clean.  There are two rooms that require more attention but I still did much better than usual.  I kept on my feet and active most days.  I also had time to think about what my problem was, not just with laziness but with everything in general.  The consensus leads us back to a balance of thinking, feeling, and acting.  I have been made more aware of my reliance upon thinking, to the point where I sometimes do not feel and I almost never act.  I find that I am infinitely happier when I chose to act upon my thoughts, rather than continue thinking.  I also find that, when I do this, I feel more, and can also act upon my feelings.  All three are coming into balance now, and overall I find life to be more fulfilling.  I think the source of this, besides a kick in the butt from losing and then regaining my significant other, is realizing that I need to act on things that must be done, not just things I feel like doing.  Following this has brought me further in my self development.  I also noticed that when I over think things, I don’t really know what I’m talking about when I try to express them.  For this reason I lost my relationship, and for the reason of my seeking balance I have regained it.  Truly, being unbalanced in this way not only affects you but it affects everyone around you.  I am determined to not over think things, to not lose my feelings, and to act on things as I realize they need to be done, or as I realize I want to do them.  I do not want to think so much on something, explore every possible success or failure, to the point where I don’t want to do something I previously wanted to do very badly–or to the point where I balk from something that needs doing.  That is what the second laziness trial showed me.

I gave up making lists for a little while, and at first it was very good.  I just did things rather than thinking about doing them.  Unfortunately, I also forgot some things that needed doing and they slacked behind.  I think that a little longer of list making and getting in a pattern with certain chores is all I need to nix the list entirely and just act on instinct.

To help in this development, since I do not trust myself to keep it on my own, I have enlisted the assistance of a counselor.  I have had one once previously while attending the Institute for Integrative Nutrition, and I found it immensely helpful to have someone to keep track of my goals and how I was progressing toward them.  I plan to use this counselor in the same way, to express my theories, how I am making progress, and what works.  So far I have come to the conclusion of where all my problems were stemming from, and I plan to build upon this conclusion until I have come to a new level in my self-development–preferably being more mature and independent.

I am not going to embark on a second laziness trial.  While I see the virtue in it, I do not see the need.  If I find myself slacking off again I will do so, but I have been doing just fine even when I’ve forgotten I was on the trial in the first place.  There are days I allow myself to just relax, but even so I have bounced back rather effectively.

Lia Cross

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